Hana Shafi 7 Unconventional Ways To Get Over A Breakup

Universal fact: breakups suck. Suddenly, you find yourself experiencing a strange mix of sadness, hatred, sexual frustration, heartache, desperation, and pity. Breakups also tend to ignite an annoying tendency to romanticize the past; suddenly that one time you two kissed by the bus stop was the greatest kiss you’ve ever had. Either that or you decide to demonize every experience you’ve ever had with them as something completely tainted by their evil. Regardless, here are seven unconventional ways of how to get over a breakup.

  1. If you’ve got a flair for melodrama, write down everything that person did to you and burn it. For added effect, pretend you’re in an independent film and play touching background music.
  2. Walk the entire timeline of your relationship. That’s right, walk it. Just think about when you first met them up till the point of the breakup and by the end of that walk you’re gonna be so exhausted, you’ll never wanna think about them again. Of course, carefully selected background music is a must. 
  3. I’m sure you’re tempted to get wasted. So get wasted with a point. Chill with your friends and take a shot every time you can think of a reason they weren’t the right person for you. When your head’s in the toilet, you probably won’t think they’re so great anymore. 
  4. I know that dressing up sexy and feeling irresistible can help with breakups. But you know what else can? Doing the exact opposite. Sit in your sweats and put your hair up and don’t shower for the whole weekend while marathoning your favourite films. You can call it nasty, but there’s a strange sense of satisfaction in it. Go ahead and be hot when you’re back out on the prowl, but savor your new time alone a bit first. 
  5. Write a letter. You don’t have to send it to them, just say everything you’ve always wanted to say. Have no mercy; call them a heartless, conniving little shit. It’ll give you some perspective and bring about a sense of closure. Bonus points if you write it by hand and seal it with fancy red wax because you’re just that cool.
  6. Re-arrange the furniture in your bedroom. Sounds kind of boring, I know, but a change of environment can actually be a huge way to gain a fresh perspective. Not to mention, it’ll be easier to purge yourself of any sexual memories of them if your bed is in an entirely different place. 
  7. Many will google “Top 10 feel good movies” or they’ll decide to go on an all-out sad movies cry-fest. Well, here’s a better idea: marathon horror movies. Watch that classic group of stereotypical air-headed teens get chased through a dark house by an axe-murderer, watch a face-hugger latch onto some poor unsuspecting bastard, watch Jack Nicholson limp through that creepy ass maze. Nothing mends a broken heart like peeing your pants in fear. 

And there you have it. Good luck my newly single chums, and may karma bite your ex’s ass off. 

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