Hana Shafi Ah, The Joys of School

If you’ve never had the misfortune of feeling even mildly suicidal, university will do the trick.

I don’t know if it’s Murphy’s Law, general bad luck, or simply the universe spiting us for no good reason, but somehow every problem from every aspect of your life happens entirely at once. If school and work was stressing you the fuck out, but your social life, love life, and general health were in peak condition, you could at least bear the burden of school-related or work-related stress with some sanity. 

But no, the way it tends to go down is school is killing you, you’re breaking your back at a minimum wage job just so you can feed yourself through school, your love/sex life has gone to shit, you’ve somehow contracted both the stomach flu and a head cold in the same month, and you no longer have the energy to leave your house. At a certain point, the stress is so overwhelming, but you’re too broke to treat yourself to any indulgent stress relief and no one wants to fuck you, so masturbation is all you’ve got left and now, and that’s kind of depressing too. 

In short, the education system needs to calm the fuck down. I find it hard to even appreciate the content of classes that I genuinely like when I feel so bombarded by the stress of having to write five million term papers and brutal exams that give me these awful hand cramps. Maybe this is only the rant of a lazy student, but I truly believe that people could actually enjoy school if it wasn’t constantly putting stress and pressure on you. Especially when every other facet of your life seems to be spiraling out of control (apparently the universe just loves shitting on everyone’s life). 

Mental health issues are a serious problem among university students, and there has been a rise in suicides committed by young adults and teens. The education system needs to take a hint from that and reform itself, possibly by acknowledging the fact that life doesn’t just freeze so you can finish three, eight-page essays. People can be having serious emotional or health problems on the side that are only exacerbated by colossal tons of school work. 

So yeah, if you really relish in feeling like shit cause it helps you write dark poetry than good for you, have fun with that. The rest of us are just going to pound our heads on our desks asking why we’re willingly paying an institution to make us feel terrible (any other time of the year I’d say it’s the gift of learning, but it’s exam season, so fuck that). Now excuse me while I go drown my sorrows in enough baked goods that are equivalent to downing four sticks of butter.

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