Moe Hunter Ask Moe: Do Guys Fuck Everything That Moves?

I have a theory that any ugly girl can get laid by any hot guy given the right amount of alcohol and no one finding out. True or False?

Question from Myrm

Sister, you got the wrong guy to be answering this question because I have turned down reasonably attractive women just for wearing bad shoes, having a Motorola Rockr or being named Geoffrey. But l’ll take a crack at your theory anyway because there is very little on television tonight apart from some show where the dog is a policeman or something. Maybe the policeman is a dog. It’s from Europe, so the dog and the policeman are probably married.

Now take a deep breath because this next sentence is a doozy.

Remember when you were at university and that chick with the ripped jeans and pink hair and the no make-up and the ‘separatism’ tee shirt said that you could tell that even the very language we speak was a tool of the patriarchal hegemony because there is no word to describe the hatred of men in the same way that ‘misogyny’ describes the hatred of women?

Well, Astrid was wrong. That word is ‘misandry’. It’s a real thing, and you have a bad case of it.

See you think that all men will fuck anything that moves, even if that thing votes Republican, has a french polish and thinks ‘literature’ is the right word to describe a hardback copy of The Secret. You seem to subscribe to the pizza theory of sex – that there’s no such thing as bad pizza – and think that all men do too.

Well guess what? The only people who think there is no such thing as bad pizza are people who have never had good pizza. After you have good pizza, you never want to fuck another greasy lump of half-cooked dough who won’t do anal ever again.

Of course, maybe a german guy might want to take a leak on a pizza like that. I had a pizza in Munich once and I’m pretty sure someone had already shat on it.

I hope this answers your question.

PS I also have a theory. Mine is that all women are whores. No, not really. I just said that for shock value. I meant to say ‘sex workers’.

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