Moe Hunter Ask Moe: Exercise

I’m a busy guy. What are some easy exercises I can do to get six-pack abs without really getting off my fat ass?

Question submitted by Jala

Dear Jala,

I’m not gonna give you any advice on how to get six-pack abs.

I’m just going to hand down some life lessons and hope you get the point.

When confronted with a goal, you have three options.

Reach the goal, lower the goal, or, fuck the goal.

Let’s look at these situations individually.

Option 1: Reaching the goal.

Overrated.

People make goals for themselves to feel better about their own mediocrity.

To me, that sounds self-protective at best, and pathetic at worst.

Some people create goals for themselves like “I won’t get upset today” or “I’ll call my mom” or “I won’t slap my girlfriend with my ring on”.

These goals are bullshit.

If you’re really commited to achieving a goal, you will:

Option 2. Lower the goal.

This is the gray area right here, and it’s where you want to be.

Also known as, “The Golden Area” or “The Dustin Diamond Vortex”.

The trick here is to justify your own laziness by creating an incredibly attainable goal, and following it through.

There’s a parable of a man that’s walking through a forest, and on each tree he passes, he sees a painted target and an arrow in the bullseye. Wondering what sort of incredible archer must be around, he searches until he sees a man painting a target around an arrow that’s lodged in the tree.

That’s the trick.

Set a million goals for yourself that you can do without exerting any effort.

Here are some practice goals:

  1. Wake up in the morning.
  2. Get dressed.
  3. Listen to music.
  4. Pee.
  5. Eat.
  6. Breathe.

BAM. Feel more accomplished yet?

You just achieved SIX of the goals you set for yourself, with barely any effort.

Go fix yourself a drink. You deserve it.

Finally, if you’re too slovenly to lower the goal, try:

Option 3: Fuck the goal.

Enjoy your freedom.

Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by limiting your capabilities by setting a hypothetical “goal” for yourself.

Just do what makes you happy.

If you asked me “what have goals ever accomplished?”

You know what I’d say?

The war in Iraq, that’s what.

America set a goal for themselves and you know what good that did?

4,500 dead American soldiers.

Let me reiterate.

Do what makes you happy. And try not to start any wars.

That’s the real secret.

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