Moe Hunter Ask Moe: How Pregnant is TOO Pregnant

How pregnant is TOO pregnant?

Question submitted by barelysarcasm

I shouldn’t be here.

This is inappropriate for any man to watch.

The girl in front of me in line says to the barista “can i get a skinny no-foam latte?”

The barista takes the girl’s money with a smile and says “sure, it’ll be ready in a moment over there by the counter.”

Three minutes later the barista hands her a skinny vanilla latte with foam.

Uh - oh.

This girl looks like she’s about to jump the counter and cuntpunch the barista.

She’s ready to attack, but she can’t.

She’s pregnant.

So she just stands there.

Steaming.

Giving the unborn baby a brain aneurysm.

I’m just a spectator.

Wide eyed, slack jawed, and I can feel my testes shrivel to the size of a raisin.

Here’s the thing.

Pregnant women can either be really good or really bad.

If the pregnancy makes her want to do reverse-cowgirl anal three times a week, that’s a good pregnancy.

If the pregnancy is making her demand you get a vasectomy, that’s a bad pregnancy.

So, I mean, the question isn’t “how pregnant is TOO pregnant?”

Rather, the question is “which pregnant is GOOD pregnant.”

And it’s hard to tell if she’s “good pregnant” or “bad pregnant” just by doing an ocular pat-down, but here are some tips:

1. If she has a tumblr account, odds are, she’s emotionally unstable and is going to be “bad pregnant”.

2. If she’s wearing fuck-me boots, and cups your balls as she walks by, that’s a “good pregnant”.

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.