Moe Hunter Ask Moe: Why can't my boyfriend stay hard during sex?

Why can't my boyfriend stay hard during sex?

Question submitted by Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Much has been said about this topic, most of it accusatory and lies, and much of it directed at the men in question, myself in particular, all too often. 

However, let's flip this baby on it's head for a second. It is true that sometimes your boyfriend can't stay hard during sex, and it is equally true that you're not in any position to be asking this question.

Men have penises. One per male. Usually. Women have vaginas. One per female. Usually. That is the essence of this Anatomy 101 lesson. 

Here are the associated (albeit truncated) symptoms of owning a penis. 

It can get hard, and it can not. In both cases, it is clearly one or the other. Even for the blind, all it takes is a touch downstairs, and they can suss out whether the dude's rocking a rager, or is softer than soft-serve vanilla. 

This is very different from a woman, who does not possess an extremity which is so clearly hard or not.

Along with this, comes an array of associated issues, for example:

1. Am I hard enough?

2. How long have I been hard?

3. How does my penis compare to other mens' penis'?

4. Is my penis big enough? I mean why aren't you even making a sound it's not like it's that small come on as if you've had better sex you degenerate loser I met online I don't even like you you should be happy I'm even having sex with you it's just cause i'm bored and it's saturday night and you were the only girl online on okcupid.

While women may chat among themselves into the wee hours of the night, pondering about whether their vaginas look beautiful, they're wasting their time. Men could give a damn what their partner's hoo-hah looks like. We invented the FleshLight for God's sake.  

Some men, like myself, prefer shaved versus unshaved, but these are minor, ancillary issues, compared to the major ones like whether the girl, is in fact, a girl.

Reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend the other day. We were discussing what the most important questions you can ask a girl are, on the first date. I said, jokingly, that the two most important questions are: 

a) Are you a girl?

b*) Have you always been a girl?

*Not always a dealbreaker. It depends on the BAC levels of the male in question.

That's it. We aren't too worried about specifics.

Anyways, back to the point. Men have a lot of things to worry about. We can't just think about Ryan Gosling for three minutes and be ready to go for an hour. We need consistent and continuous stimulation, reassurance, excitement, audio and visual, to keep us distracted from the fact that you're staring at the ceiling wondering when this will end. 

Consider sex with men like taking a child to the park. 

If you just sit on a park bench and drink whiskey, the kid will cry and get sad and want attention. If you play with the kid, act all excited, and encourage him with whatever he does, he'll have a great time, and you might have a great time as well!

What I'm saying is, sex with men is like playing with a child. Encourage and act excited, and you'll both be happy. Don't act excited and he'll be sad, get soft, and leave you for hookers who get paid to act excited. 

Good luck,

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