Hana Shafi Beat it, Cosmo

Screw you Cosmo, your sex tips are bullshit.

Not only do a large portion of them focus only on how you can pleasure your man (because why would I want pleasure for myself, how absurd!!!), but the rest of them make over-sweeping generalizations about “the key to the best sex ever!!!” 

But there is no secret special key to the best sex ever. Or at least, it’s not the same for everyone. All bodies are different. Some people are super gentle vanilla lovers, others are kinky as fuck with floggers, restraints, and all. And a shit ton of people are mulling around in the place in the middle, trying new things and still figuring out the different stuff that turns them on. I like to call that vanilla with a splash of cinnamon (not totally kinky, but a little spicier than usual). 

On top of that, Cosmopolitan’s idea of “kinky sex” is basically biting, pushing, and hair-tugging. Take even a tiny peak at the kink community and what it’s all about and you’ll see that biting is just the tip of the iceberg. Of course, I’m sure Cosmo is going to include a little more BDSM sex tips nowadays, albeit shitty ones because they’re probably all based on Fifty Shades of Crap. 

“How to drive your man crazy!!!” Here’s a tip, instead of figuring out which move will drive him crazy via Cosmo, try communicating with your partner or the next thing you know, you’re trying that shit in bed and he’s going “what the fuck are you doing?” Do not use Cosmo as a way to psychoanalyze your partner’s sexual preferences. Not to mention, Cosmo is pretty much only for straight cis women, and even then, it’s often not helpful to those demographic either. 

And then of course, there’s Cosmo’s infamous “Sexy vs. Skanky” section. So you claim to be a magazine giving sex advice and guidance to women, but you choose to put some women down? No Cosmo, on the whole helping-women-out front, you’re clearly doing it wrong. 

There are loads of different sex tips that can help people have better sex. What bothers me is the phrasing of said advice in Cosmo that suggest it’s some fool proof sex goddess crap. A sub par magazine is not going to help you expand your horizons on sexual awakening. And achieving an orgasm is not some kind of concrete formula. You’ve gotta seek out some more sound (and more educated) advice elsewhere. And believe me, the good advice is out there. And most importantly, you’ve got to experiment (safely though, don’t just break out the leather paddle and run amuck). 

I’m wise to your act, Cosmo. Those brightly coloured headlines promising euphoric sex have lost their allure. Take a hike. 

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.