Owen Leskovar Being a derivative asshole has never been easier

So I went to a friend’s convocation a few weeks ago. They set the stage beautifully by playing Green Day’s “Time of Your Life” and Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin`” as family and friends were entering. Classy.

The guest speaker was some big-wig female PR baroness. One of the most successful (and first!) businesswomen in Canada. She gave a heartwarming speech where she perpetuated the stereotype by constantly referencing her daughter as if everyone in the room knew her. “Being a single mom and a businesswoman wasn’t easy…”

Jesus fucking Christ.
But it fell apart even more at her conclusion. “So as I leave you to go out into the labor force of tomorrow, I want to share some final advice. Always aim for the moon…because even if you miss, you will be among the stars.”

What the fuck? Who does this woman think she is? The only human being on the planet who has the internet? Using unoriginal, recycled platitudes like this used to be lame, but now it’s inexcusable. Good and bad quotes alike are passed around chain e-mails and social media updates like the black plague through 1300s Europe.

Being original and creative is harder than ever. Now people can just google what you say (assuming they don’t already know where it’s from), so you need to learn to watch your ass. As a successful businessperson, she really should have known better. So should you.

Stop regurgitating your favourite song lyrics and bumper stickers unattributed (or at all). It makes you look like a tool.

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