Hana Shafi Being Horny in the 21st Century

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But when it comes to sex, the absence of that other person may not be making you feel particularly fond, just sexually frustrated and strongly craving something a little different than your average solo fun. Don’t worry, it’s the 21st century, so there’s a technological remedy for that and it’s calling sexting.

While absence may make the heart grow fonder, sexting spices up this physical absence and creates a sort of enticing game. The game of sexual teasing gets even more intense when it comes to sexting; the tease can never really be physically fulfilled by the other person (at least, not at the present moment). But maybe that’s the appeal of sexting. It creates an almost overwhelming sexual buildup until you see that person next. And sexual dialogue allows a lot of room to be creative, explore different scenarios, or try your hand at delving into something kinkier that you may feel inhibited carrying out in the bedroom, but want to flirt with the idea a bit via sexting. 

That being said, those positive sides to sexting all rely on the crucial factor that both parties are actually GOOD at sexting. And while a sexual scenario can be easy to imagine in your head, putting it into words is a whole other challenge. There are some who can imagine themselves doing the sexiest, filthiest, downright dirty things, but then to actually graphically articulate that makes it suddenly feel a tad awkward. This especially applies when the sexting is being done with someone that you haven’t been with many times (maybe even at all). Sometimes, it can be one thing to secretly desire that they tie you up and fuck you, and another thing to literally TEXT someone saying: I want you to tie me up and fuck me. 

Besides, in many cases there also needs to be some sort of building momentum before you drop a bluntly climactic line like that. And that buildup can be awfully tricky. Foreplay via sexting is the hardest part, and often where most people fail. Guys will text you that they’re really hard right now, but a point blank statement like that doesn’t really allow much room to branch off into anything else. Saying how you look or feel is great (or showing how you look, nudes via cellphone and what not), but what’s really going to get the ball rolling is explicitly describing what you’d like to do and for any sexting novices this can be an intimidating task.

The key is: don’t over-think it and do away with inhibitions. Of course, that’s easier said than done. But feeling self-conscious and inhibited, while meticulously obsessing over the syntax and diction of the sext is going to ruin the entire experience for you. Chances are the person on the other end just thinks you’re hot as fuck and won’t be dwelling on any “errors” that you may be worrying over. 

Personally, while I can certainly acknowledge and appreciate the appeal of sexting, my anxiety while actually trying to figure out what to say to the other person makes me feel like the effort just ain’t worth it. Then again, practice makes perfect! 

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