Kyle Towers Being a Woman: A Man's Perspective

I often find myself pondering about what it would be like to be a woman. The agony of childbirth, thunderstorm of intensive & varying emotions, discomforts of menstruation, and adorably weak biceps aside, it seems like a pretty cool species to be.

Firstly

Women can pretty much get anything they want out of the opposite sex through the art of crying or seduction. Whether it is getting out of a speeding ticket or receiving a drink at the bar, women have it down to a science. I’ve been witness and victim to their cunning and I have nothing but accolades.

Secondly

Women have boobs. And everyone loves boobs -- they’re probably in my top three favourite things. They are truly pleasing to all the senses in multiple ways. It boggles my mind at the thought of having not one, but two things that are so amazing and can be used to bring so much happiness to the world. In fact, if used properly, I’m sure they could be the perfect advocates for world peace. I had some other profound points about boobs, but then I started thinking about boobs and I forgot.

Thirdly

I often times read social network statuses from women about how they are having a spa day or drinking wine in a bubble bath. I haven’t had a bubble bath since I was 6 and every memory of this consists of absolute joy and wonder. I can only imagine the addition of wine would heighten this experience exponentially. These activities sound really pleasant and I sometimes catch myself fantasizing about partaking in them. Unfortunately for my gender, there is a massive stigma attached to said events and my motives would be met with thorough questioning and disapproval. I think I’d rather be caught humping an apple pie than having a soak in a bubble bath.

Fourthly

Bless their little hearts, but women think true love is a real thing. And a large majority of them blindly seek it. In fact, it is sometimes all they want in life. I think a lot of men just want a woman who will let them have sex with them on a semi-regular basis. But all jokes aside, they are definitely the more loving and caring gender. There is nothing better than a woman’s love.

Fifthly

I’m being completely biased, but the homosexuality of women is a lot better. It’s beautiful and passionate and I really dig it. Similar to when watching porn, I feel the moment is ruined when a man enters. If I was a woman, I would definitely be more inclined to be bisexual. And in theory, bisexuality is the way to go. I mean, it gives you like 3 billion more people to potentially hook up with.

Sixthly

Women get to wear masks in order to “improve” their appearance. For me, at least once a week I wish I could use makeup or something to that effect to hide my face from the public eye. I sometimes wake up in a pile of filth after hitting the piss all night and my face is absolutely offensive to others. I’ve literally seen babies cry and dogs whimper at the very sight of it.

Seventhly

Women can house developing humans. I’m pretty indifferent to possessing this capability, but it’s still pretty cool nonetheless.

Women are the creators of life and the pride & beauty of the human race. I absolutely adore them. Thank you God for creating women; I couldn’t imagine how much Earth would suck if we just had a bunch of dudes walking around. What an eternally shitty sausage-fest that would be. It’s certain that the planet Earth would be the butt of every joke amongst extra-terrestrials if this were so. In fact, if science is right and there are infinite alternative universes, then such a world does exist. And that makes me feel like the luckiest man in the universe to be on this planet.

 

Comments

Boobs are better than anything else on the planet.

next to a good booty

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