Paul Parillo Bieber in the Buff

Perusing around my twitter feed the other day, I stumbled upon countless people uploading photos of fellow Canuck, Justin Bieber (AKA: gentle lips; brother falcon; Horatio dick tits), indecently exposed. Like the gullible fool that I am, I decided to take a gander – and to my surprise, it was Bieber, looking naked, playful and above all else, purposeful. Shortly after washing the bile from my shirt, I began to imagine what a photo like this will do his virtually limitless supply of pre-teen/”prostitot” fans.

Firstly, I’d like to address some background information regarding this penile mishap. It has been claimed that a burglar broke into Bieber’s dressing room, stole his laptop, and eventually found and uploaded the photos. Of course now we hear of allegations that the photos were “Photoshopped” or entirely fake – the sympathetic side will always have a place in scandals like this, but with the evidence seen, it’s hard to deny the validity of the photos. Ok, back to the children.

Bieber was the “role-model” for young teens, advertising social norms and upholding respectable moral values. Things like abstinence and anti-bullying messages were driven into the hearts, minds and sinews of a worldwide generation. Think of all the people he’s touched through his music and positive messages – and now imagine all of that being dick-slapped by Justin Bieber’s penis.

The tears of joy you’d usually see from the die-hard female fans, will now be tears of confusion and sadness as to how someone so innocent could become so corrupted. You’d think with all the nip slips, sex tapes, and leaked photos, the marketing and PR people of Hollywood would try and recognize the value and de-value of human error. On one hand, these huge firms will have a great pay out trying to fix this, while on the other hand, millions of kids will have part of their childhood dreams crushed by their fallen idol.

No doubt, things will return to relative normality within a few weeks, but Bieber’s franchise will remain tainted and haunted by this conundrum. By all means, take photos of yourself naked, it’s your prerogative, just remember that even though you have a song called “Never Say Never” it doesn’t mean it can’t happen to you.   

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