Michael Turnbull Classics are here to stay, despite how hard I try

Champagne Supernova came on during a trip home and waves of nostalgia washed over me. I was reminded of a time when Oasis was cool, when music was cool, when hearing the word shit in a song was cool, and I could treasure it for myself.

I always wondered what classic rock would be like when I was in my later years. I figured 90's grunge, pop rock and Oasis would still be on the radio. Just like 'Stairway', these songs would let dudes afraid to let their childhoods die bust a final nut on their unattractive girlfriend's faces. Champagne supernova bitch.

To my horror though, I realized that this will never be true.

See the music industry has changed, for better or worse, but it hasn't stopped every Jane's Addiction wannabe from creating a "me too" or "me three" band. They pile on, and while the Internet silences a few, more and more attempt to become huge. Bands like 'Anvil' get their hay day 20 years later, and little tiny bands think that they could be the 'Anvil' of Deep House-Trip-Hop-Metal, and that when they are fucking decrepit they will get the dirty sluts of the 31st century.

This will never happen. See the problem with this mentality is that as we grow older, and technology advances, our peak interest decreases. Media only has so much time to make money after positioning itself in the consumer's mind. The later you start your band or show or YouTube account, the less time you have to establish yourself from the others, and the less likely you are to achieve making any head way.

This means that movies can now only make money on opening weekends, and only sequels will make real money. Companies bank on this. This is why shitty old bands keep coming back from the dead and why 'Pirates of the Caribbean' will only die when Johnny Depp does. Disney, like all of its huge mega corporate conglomerates alongside it, know full well that more people will pay to see The Lion King 6, than those that will take a risk on an original production.

Jay-Z knows this. Hell, he even said it in an interview, talking about how the Internet is the Social Darwinism to the music industry, and only the best survive. He's right. He's also lucky because he knows that even after producing 'The Blue Print: 3' and making a fool out of himself singing on DOA (The Death of Autotune) he will make decent cash off of his online album sales, make the artists on those tracks huge money which he will take royalty from, and most importantly, he will keep his position as king of rap in the headspace of everyone who turns on a radio.

This means that all the 'Led Zeppelins' and the 'Rolling Stones' will continue to make their parent companies rich for eternity, as long as they can remind people of what 'classic rock' was all about. So lucky for you Beatles-loving cuntbags, the classics are here to stay.

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