Sushi is bullshit. For whatever reason, it's become incredibly trendy to enjoy sushi, and the food is synonymous with hipsters and urban dining. This insidious popularity has exploded so much in fact, that I predict the demise of sushi within the next decade (once it becomes horribly pedestrian and mainstream from overexposure). The same thing happens to bands all the time, but on a much shorter timeline.
So why do I dislike sushi? It simply just isn't that flavorful. Sure, some rolls are tasty, but the actual strips of fish never excite me, even when dipped in sauce or garnished with wasabi (which is undeniably badass). Sushi exemplifies hipsterism almost as succinctly as the iconic beard itself: it is the epitome of form over function.
Coffee is the same, but completely different. See, coffee is also a hipster item of choice, and hipsters pretend to like it to seem cool. The huge difference is that coffee is actually good. Whenever I see a hipster take a badass blend, brag about how they grind it themselves and that it's made fair-trade and organic, and then smother it with cream and sugar, I die a little. "Sushi lovers" pretend to like sushi. "Coffee lovers" don't even try. They like cream and sugar.
So am I a hypocrite because I love coffee but hate sushi? Is my tall mug of black coffee equivalent to a particularly awesome bite of sashimi? Am I as blind to sushi as most people are to beans? No. Because coffee is legitimately awesome and sushi is legitimately boring. So there.