Joe Thomson Confessions: Owning your shittiest quality

As many people will tell you I have a lot of flaws.  Including but not limited to: impatience, laziness, apathy, short temper, obnoxiousness, nose and scab picker, and I’m sure many more.  But for now I am going to let anyone reading this in on my most abhorrent quality.  This behaviour makes me wonder, just what kind of human I am.  It is devoid of compassion, full of ignorance and completely indefensible for any kind human being.

So here it is…I lose my appetite when eating around disabled people.  I just can’t eat around them.  Whenever I tell someone that, they just look at me like I’m an idiot for thinking it and I should just shut the fuck up.  It’s usually a disgusted and disappointed reaction.  Most of my weaknesses are either mildly defensible, or are hidden behind a wall of my own delusion, so not known to me.  But this one, I have no argument against.

I feel sick if I’m eating in a food court and I see a wheel chair bound person getting food all over themselves while their helper patiently wipes there face sporadically.  I couldn’t finish dinner whenever, as a kid, I went to my friends house who had two disabled siblings.  I even feel sick if I’m eating in front of the T.V and “Life Goes On” comes on.  I’ve always been that way and I don’t know why.

I think it must be out of some fear that I could end up like that through some horrible accident.  I want to be open minded and compassionate but I have a visceral reaction that I don’t know how to control.  The weird part is, I can handle it if they’re eating ice cream, in fact I find that adorable.

Anyways, I’m going to go take a shower and maybe consider suicide.  I don’t know if anyone else has these horrible feelings but if you do you should be ashamed of yourself. (But email me to let me know I’m not the only one)

Comments

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