Joe Thomson Confessions: Owning your shittiest quality

As many people will tell you I have a lot of flaws.  Including but not limited to: impatience, laziness, apathy, short temper, obnoxiousness, nose and scab picker, and I’m sure many more.  But for now I am going to let anyone reading this in on my most abhorrent quality.  This behaviour makes me wonder, just what kind of human I am.  It is devoid of compassion, full of ignorance and completely indefensible for any kind human being.

So here it is…I lose my appetite when eating around disabled people.  I just can’t eat around them.  Whenever I tell someone that, they just look at me like I’m an idiot for thinking it and I should just shut the fuck up.  It’s usually a disgusted and disappointed reaction.  Most of my weaknesses are either mildly defensible, or are hidden behind a wall of my own delusion, so not known to me.  But this one, I have no argument against.

I feel sick if I’m eating in a food court and I see a wheel chair bound person getting food all over themselves while their helper patiently wipes there face sporadically.  I couldn’t finish dinner whenever, as a kid, I went to my friends house who had two disabled siblings.  I even feel sick if I’m eating in front of the T.V and “Life Goes On” comes on.  I’ve always been that way and I don’t know why.

I think it must be out of some fear that I could end up like that through some horrible accident.  I want to be open minded and compassionate but I have a visceral reaction that I don’t know how to control.  The weird part is, I can handle it if they’re eating ice cream, in fact I find that adorable.

Anyways, I’m going to go take a shower and maybe consider suicide.  I don’t know if anyone else has these horrible feelings but if you do you should be ashamed of yourself. (But email me to let me know I’m not the only one)


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