Hannah Star In Da (Gay) Club

So you’re a girl with a boyfriend, but you still like to go out. Let’s imagine you’re all up in the club, it’s Friday night, and you’re partying it up Rebecca Black style. You’re on your feet, ready to dance your ass off to Born This Way, when – all of a sudden – a pair of groping, serpentine man-hands slither their way around your waist and latch on for dear life.

The owner of the hands is simultaneously pushing his crotch into your lower back region. Ew. You wrestle your way out of this creeper’s grip of death, but it’s too late. You suddenly realize that to the guys in the club, you’re nothing more than a piece of meat. You become totally stressed out, and your night is ruined. For all you girls in relationships who still like to go out, but don’t like feeling foreign dicks rubbing against your ass, there is a solution: the gay bar.

They may be the place to go for gay men, but they can also be awesome for non-single straight girls. First of all, you can rest assured that you won’t get a surprise grind by horny men coming from behind (pun intended? I hope not.) You don’t even have to ward off a single awkward pick-up line. In fact, there probably isn’t be a chance of anyone in the bar being remotely interested in you sexually. It can be very relaxing.

And if you’re the kind of girl who’s tempted to stray when your boyfriend’s not around, going to a gay bar can be a great preventative measure. And since you don’t have to worry about strange men’s advances, you can sit back, relax, and take in the beautiful view: lots of well-dressed, sexy men with good hair. Many of which are really good at dancing. And if you’re lucky, sometimes the bar will screen pornos, or videos of naked men doing a variety of fun activities like playing volleyball, swimming in waterfalls, or lifting weights. There’s so much eye candy, and so little stress.

Seriously girls, try out the gay bar. Your boyfriend will thank you. So will your un-molested butt.

Comments

Hi there I have an album coming out and I was woendring if you'd like to lay some vocals down. There are a bunch of singers on this and I will be passing it out to a lot of people in a lot of places. Hope to hear from you! JImPS: The Chameleon show was great. The vocal harmonies are 5/5.

enough. But bringing that kind of tiknhing with you to the first date will make you a magnet for unrealistic expectations. It’s way too easy to attach larger-than-life expectations to what is “supposed to” happen

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