Jenderbender Dating Older Men: More Baggage, Less Dick

At some point in every woman’s life she gets faced with an opportunity to date an obscenely older man. It seems exciting, weird, and for some reason, an appealing new avenue for pissing off your parents. However, caution! Caution I say! Such advantages are not without their downfalls. For starters, there is the general feeling that this is so incredibly wrong.

And although that may be one of the reasons your vagina and perverted mind are having a field day, your brain (for some reason in your mother’s angry voice) keeps pointing out all of the negative attention your tongue in this older guys mouth is attracting.

His friends will give you weird looks, and say strange things to you like “so what are they teaching in high school these days” or, “Have you heard of Vanilla Ice”?  All they while, you start to question your own sanity, if you have a daddy complex, and if maybe your boyfriend is a pedophile. However, the worst part of dating an older man is the lack of bonnerific times. Your twenty-something body just wants to mate its fucking face off until you break a hip, and really that only leaves you with about 40 good years of prime fucking.

Time, oh time is of the essence. But your boyfriend’s penis has expired after he got divorced from his wife 4 years ago. Holding hands just won’t do it for you, even if you try to shove his hand down your pants. And when you can’t face your psychiatrist to tell them that you are depressed and are crying in your spaghetti while watching porn because some older dudes dick can’t support your reverse cowgirl anymore– it’s time to end the freakshow. After all, you don’t want to get stuck planning a funeral.

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