Liam Montgomery Deconstructive Sandwiches

Working in a restaurant you get to watch individuals and their many quirks. You get asked all sorts of stupid fucking questions like, “do ya’ll got Dr. Pepper?” “No.” “Do ya’ll got diet Dr. Pepper?”

Servers, bartenders and bus boys do everything in their power to provide their patrons with the best dining experience possible. Service, service, service. From everything to catering to their high maintenance requests, entertaining them to answering their stupid fucking questions like “so, is the balsamic vinaigrette vinegary?”

It would seem reasonable that the costumer has a duty, a courtesy to be as graceful as a guest as possible. I’m not talking a good tip I’m more talking about a general respect. The public commits thousands of minor offences on a daily basis that we as industry folk have to deal with. Generation after generation has drifted farther and farther from the one previous to it, and this means we are bunch of ignorant degenerated ingrates with no manners.

 Don’t put your gum on your side plate, please ask for a paper napkin. Don’t interrupt your server when they are explaining the menu or the shtick because you will ask later and you will be hated. Stay in your fucking seat don’t come up to the server station, and don’t fucking wave at us. We are coming this is our job. Answer the question that is being asked, if I ask you if want you want to drink don’t tell me what you want to eat! GO FUCK YOURSELF! And for the love of god, please don’t help us bus the table. But the worst thing in the world is deconstructing your sandwich.

You look like a paranoid germaphobe. There are families in Mongolia that would love that bun. You are paying for it anyways! The insides of it are smothered with dill butter and lemon tarragon aoli with a side of fries so cutting out the carbs isn’t going to make a fucking difference. But the biggest thing that drives us up the wall is that you KNEW what you where getting. I told you it was served on a hoagie I FUCKING TOLD YOU! If you didn’t want it you should’ve told me and we would have put your fucking burger in a god damn bowl. So you can eat it like an animal.              

Liam Montgomery

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