Elizabeth Victoria The "Don't you Dare's" of Summer Fashion

It's summer again, which means we finally get to shed those parkas...but it also means we have to start caring about fashion again. Here are this summer's "Don't you Dare"s of fashion. Seriously, people: Don't you DARE!

Butt-Grazing Denim Cut Offs

I would have thought that this “don’t” was a given, but one look at girls on the streets during the summer months proves that it isn’t. Don’t get me wrong- nothing makes me angrier than a woman slut shaming her fellow woman, and that is not at all what I’m getting at. What I’m saying is that I’m a major advocate of dressing for your body type, and to put it simply: Just because a garment comes in your size does not mean it’s okay for you to wear it. So unless your body resembles Gisele Bundchen’s, in all her cellulite-less glory, don’t go there.

Tube Tops

My hatred of this variation of shirt has nothing to do with modesty, and everything to do with looking like an idiot. I mean, really, is there a less flattering garment than the tube top? Between the uniboob shape they promote, the fact that they constantly fall down (causing one to yank it back up into place approximately every five seconds), and the armpit bulge they create, I’m confused as to why we haven’t burned the world’s supply of tube tops yet.

Fake Tan

There might be a little personal bias on this one considering I’m five shades paler than Dracula, but seriously, you’d think that by now, Jersey Shore would have intimidated the North American public into forgoing faux tans, and yet the Oompa-Loompa-lookalikes still run rampant.  There should be a paint swatch test rule. “Sunkissed” to “bronze” is an acceptable area, but once you’ve ventured into “Cheeto” territory, you’re too tan.

Festival Fashion

I understand that Coachella was super amazing and changed your life and you wish you could go back next weekend because OMG did you SEE the Tupac hologram? Legen-dary! I get it, really, I do. But if it’s two weeks after the festival and you’re still wearing the feathered extensions, suede fringed vest and Lennon shaped sunglasses, you look beyond ridiculous. You know who you resemble? Miley Cyrus circa 2010. Way harsh, I know, but someone had to say it. So put the headscarf away for the time being; there’s always next year.

Flip Flops

Okay, this point is going to be pretty unpopular with the majority, but hear me out. Have you ever listened to yourself walk in flip flops? Once you do, you won’t be able to get the constant “thwack thwack thwack” against the pavement out of your mind. Also, have you read the statistics about all the kind of germs that are hanging out on those things?  This is more than just dog poop and dirt, we’re talking seriously deadly bacteria. Plus, if you’re not at a beach, there is no excuse for wearing waterproof footwear that automatically makes any outfit you’re wearing ten times less chic.

End of story.

 

Comments

Okay, I will admit that I do not usually wear srencusen. I HATE the feel of it. Hate hate hate. I will also say that I spend my time inside, literally. Working from home, most days I don't leave this house, and if I do it is when the sun has already gone down. No driving around in the sun for me, especially in the summer. My blinds are closed, no light gets in here. So I know it is a huge sin to go without srencusen, but I literally get almost no exposure and if I DO I usually remember to put some on before I go. Forgive me?

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