Kyle Towers Drugs, Metaphorically

Below explains how you would feel on drugs through the art of metaphors.

Just for clarification, these insights come from naturalistic observations, pop culture (especially anything by Hunter S. Thompson) and studying medical journals. So to Galen Weston, Bill Gates and the entire panel of The Dragon’s Den, do keep in mind that I am not a user and I look forward to future business opportunities & endeavours. There... I hope that cleared me of all incriminating evidence.

Mushrooms
The first time: You are the protagonist of Alice in Wonderland, Fantasia, and The Yellow Submarine combined.
After heavy use: You are a lowly and tortured side-kick of an evil villain in a Tim Burton film. You become sentenced to life trapped in a Salvador Dali painting.

Cocaine
The first time: You just scored the overtime winning goal to win the Stanley Cup. When you get to the locker room by way of teammates carrying you, you have two letters waiting. The first explains your literary work has earned you a Pulitzer Prize. The second contains a signed naked picture of Zooey Deschanel inviting you to call her.
After heavy use: You are part of a production line where you must constantly sniff mounds of powder off a conveyor belt into your battered and bloody nostrils. And instead of getting paid, you pay for every mound sniffed.

Ecstasy
The first time: You are in an orgy of boobs.
After heavy use: You are in an orgy of cocks (assuming you don’t like being in an orgy of cocks).

Speed
The first time: You are drinking a Redbull while on the Autobahn riding in rocket skates.
After heavy use: Your heart is drinking a Redbull while on the Autobahn riding in rocket skates. The rest of you is lying on a washroom floor.

Crystal Meth
The first time: You’re having a marathon sex session with Disney’s Jasmine on a magic carpet in the sky.
After heavy use: You’re probably dead. Not metaphorically dead, but like dead dead.

Marijuana
The first time: Like a baby, you are experiencing everything for the first time. All your senses are heightened to the max.
After heavy use: Like a baby, you are using your brain for the first time. All your brain functions have been lessened to the max.

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