Hana Shafi The Drunks*

I went to a bar with some friends and had to temporarily experience that awkward moment when it’s everyone else’s turn for a bathroom break or a smoke and you’re subjected to awkwardly sitting by yourself sending some whiney text to another friend. But it gave me an opportunity to drunkenly indulge in some people-watching, my favorite past time, and I noticed all the different kinds of drunks.

  1. The one who pukes, but you swear they barely drank anything. There’s always one like this; everyone else is taking shot after shot and is somehow still able to relatively hold it together, and then there’s the one person who literally drank two pints and just casually vomits out of nowhere. I went to a party once where a guy who was practically sober threw up. It was quite the sight.
  2. The drunken dance-party starter. Doesn’t matter if the bar is practically dead, there’s one brave, albeit wasted, soul whose jam comes on and they just can’t resist the urge to bust a move. Bonus points if no one joins them and they’re still at it.
  3. The angry drunk. Gets frustrated about everything, gives attitude and sass to every person that accidentally bumps into them, pushes chairs and slams doors. The angry drunk is not a good drinking companion, beware.
  4. The drinks-all-round person. Gotta love this one. Most of the time they aren’t even rolling in that much dough, but they always get caught up in the excitement of a good night out and gets a bunch of drinks for everyone. 
  5. The one that always cries. Usually as a result of some text they’ve received or the off-chance they’ve spotted an ex-something at the bar. They can go from partying it up to sobbing outside in an instant. 
  6. The everyone’s-my-best-friend drunk. Another great drinking companion, the everyone’s-my-best-friend drunk will greet you like they’ve known you for years, they give hugs to everyone, and will never fail to tell everyone how much they love them. 
  7. The really sloppy one. So, pretty much everyone in the universe gets sloppy when they’re drunk. But there’s one person who takes getting sloppy drunk to a whole new level. They don’t just stumble over, they practically start rolling all over the ground singing some inaudible tune. 
  8. The one who feels the need to take pictures every five seconds. This specific kind of drunkard wants to document every moment of their drinking. I have trouble even imagining what they’re doing when they’re not taking pictures, since it seems to occupy about 80 per cent of their time for the night.

 So my awkward loner texting actually resulted in something pretty interesting for once. Cheers! 

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