Hana Shafi Excuses for Assholes: I Don't Buy It

Ever notice how many excuses people make for guys that are douche bags?

A guy can be stand-offish, rude, and arrogantly insulting to the girls around him, and yet BOTH girls and guys will still find a plethora of excuses that are supposed to justify his asshole-ish behaviour. “Oh he’s actually really insecure and sensitive on the inside.” “He was in a really bad relationship before.” And yet, catch a girl on an off-day just once where she acts a little cold and she’s deemed a “bitch” for life. Just another add-on to the never ending list of gendered double standards. 

Your personal insecurities or that one girl that cheated on you are NOT a reason to be rude to everyone. I’ve met so many guys who have deemed all girls to be crazy and evil, because they had one unfortunate relationship, and yet when they hear a girl complain about guys because of her negative experience they rush in to say “WELL GIRLS JUST ALWAYS CHOOSE ASSHOLES OVER NICE GUYS.” Uh, no, they don’t, because if they did, they’d probably be dating the idiot who said that to them.

The fact is, we all have insecurities and negative experiences in our lives, but those are hardly valid reasons to act like an arrogant douchebag. Unless your entire family was slaughtered by a sociopathic axe-murderer, you don’t have a very good reason to act like a complete asshole. There are some people who can be really quiet or feel uncomfortable when they interact with people, which some might interpret to be unwelcoming; but shyness and rudeness are not the same thing.

The tendency to justify a man’s off-days or rude behaviour, while relentlessly sticking women who display similar behaviours from time to time as 24/7 bitches feeds into this idea that a man can have a three-dimensional, diverse personality, but a woman is one label. Women are constantly categorized into either “the bitch” or “the whore” or “the ditz”, whereas a guy being a jerk one day or having sex with many women is always attributed to some kind of deeper back story, some hidden attribute to his personality whereas a woman’s rude, blunt, or promiscuous behaviour is taken for mere face value. She’s not seen as defiant, outspoken, risk-taking, or confident: just a bitch or a slut. 

There are times when the long and winding “he got hurt real bad” back stories can make a lot of sense as to why a dude may put on an arrogant front. And then there are times when that’s just a whole lot of bullshit. If that excuse can fly for being an asshole, then I think most people can dig up the misfortunes of their lives and use those as excuses to be rude to others. 

Stop pushing these pitiful past relationship sob stories worthy of a whiney Taylor Swift track as justification for being a jackass. It’s getting real old. 

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