L Woods excuses for why sex leaves the relationship and why they're all bullshit

I have a lot of friends who are in long-term relationships who all, for the most part, agree that they don’t have nearly as much sex as they did when they first started dating. It seems to be general knowledge that after dating for a while, your sex life starts to dwindle. Fine. But the excuses people make up to justify why they no longer jump their partners’ bones every night are bullshit. To wit:

1. “We can’t fuck like rabbits forever, it’s exhausting!” You usually hear this from the girls who gain 15 lbs. of relationship weight and then try every fad diet known to mankind. The best way to not gain relationship weight in the first place? Crazy amounts of sex.

2. “I just don’t have time!” Bullshit. Everyone has time to have sex at least once a day. You can pull off a successful quicky in seven minutes flat. If you honestly cannot find an extra seven minutes in your day, make it. Wake up seven minutes earlier, go to bed seven minutes later, or skip the 15-minute line at Starbucks for once. If you’re thinking to yourself that you’d rather skip sex for the day than skip your daily grande triple-shot non-fat soy latte, then you don’t even deserve to have an orgasm.

3. “I’m self-conscious. I’ll start having more sex again after I lose 5 pounds.” I don’t understand women. (Usually the ones using this excuse.) If you want to burn some serious calories, you basically have two choices:

1. Run on the treadmill – a torture device that will hurt your knees and leave you feeling nauseous and sweaty.

2. Sex. You’ll work up a serious sweat and it will leave you feeling happy and tingly all over. Not to mention the fact that option number 2 doesn’t require you to leave your apartment – although it’s definitely a possibility. If you honestly cannot bring yourself to have sex every day, at least try to for oral. The only good advice I’ve ever read in Cosmo Magazine was this: “Treat oral like a vitamin, give it to him once a day.” I can’t picture a relationship ever being unhappy if both partners follow this advice. I think I speak on behalf of all of us who are single this Valentine’s Day when I say to all of you couples, please, start having sex again.

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