Hana Shafi First The Worst

The dreaded first move. Most of us have been there; in the midst of unspoken sexual/romantic tension and someone’s got to do something. It’s not enough to be eyeing each other suggestively every time you see one another or flashing a shy smile here and there. Something has to be said, the prospect of a number exchange must be incited in some way or another. But unless you’re blessed with charm and confidence, most of us shudder at the thought of a first move.

Gentlemen, I know you might feel as if that dreaded first move is a burden exclusively on your lot. Society has told you that you have to be one who asks so and so out, you have to be one who asks for the number or makes the confession of romantic interest. But this article isn’t about you, this ones about the ladies, and how our struggle in making the first move is basically your struggle, ten fold. 

In a hetero-normative context, women are often shamed about making the first move. While there are some who will say that a gutsy lady making the first move is a major turn on for them (hell yeah!), there are many who shun this idea. I’ve had other women discourage me from making a first move because, apparently, the guy isn’t worth it if he doesn’t “chase” me. They completely ignore the fact that there are shy guys too; and being shy or intimidated doesn’t mean they’re not into you. It means.... well it means they’re shy and intimidated. Simple as that. 

Women who make the first move are categorized as a number of things: desperate lonely cat women, 24/7 on the prowl chicks, or clingy, needy, and depraved. The truth is, these ladies making the first move are likely none of those things. In truth, they’re just women who kind of dig someone else and who want to take a situation into their own hands. They don’t want to wait around for that guy to chase her, they don’t want an opportunity to go by and then be constantly tormented by that awful question of “what if?” Women making the first move towards a guy shouldn’t be perceived as some kind of strange phenomenon.

Besides, it’s one thing for heterosexual males to perceive these women as strange or desperate, it’s another thing when a fellow female berates women who make the first move. Be weary of any “friends” who try and shame you for doing a gutsy thing or any friends who imply that you will seem desperate. 

Yes, there are some situations where you MIGHT look desperate; it’s common sense to know, that in any scenario you have to use your discretion before making a move. But unless the people around you have a valid reason for discouraging your pick-up attempts, then go for it! It’s like they say: you’re more likely to regret something you DIDN’T do, rather than something you did. To hell with conventional gender roles, you think a guy is cute and you’re getting good vibes, then I say go for it girls! And may the force be with you. 

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