Hana Shafi Fuck Stress*

Stress ruins everything.

Literally. It not only leaves your body achey, tired, and somehow even more prone to shitty colds, but it mentally drains you until you end up stuck in a combination of fretting 24/7 and practically sleepwalking all day. And considering that most of us generally lack the self-discipline to engage in some wise time management, the work pile suddenly flows in all at once just as you lose your last bit of motivation.

So what do you do? Well, we’ve all heard time and time again not to procrastinate and to prioritize your time and so on, but a lot of that is easier said than done. We know we’re supposed to do it, but we don’t anyways, often with the excuse that “I just work well under pressure.” (FYI that’s my favourite one). 

Aside from the obvious choices above that actually require a certain degree of responsibility, here are some simpler ways to help cope with the stress.

1. Sex. I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but orgasms are known to be effective stress relievers (not to mention a great way to relieve those awful stress headaches). And if you’re single and just too tired to actually put the effort into getting laid, masturbate away. It actually helps.

2. Tea. Specifically tea. Not coffee. I feel like such a hypocrite for saying so (an iced coffee with two espresso shots is my go-to caffeine fix), but coffee only makes me jittery whereas tea (particularly chamomile or green) is generally a relaxing indulgence.

3. To-do lists. Actually getting to the items on the to-do list is one thing, but making it actually helps relieve a lot of stress (unless, of course, your to-do list takes up pages and pages). Usually, to-do lists just help in organizing your thoughts. Seeing your work load in a simple list format seems a lot more tangible and organizable than just having random bits and pieces of what to do floating through your brain.

4. Loner dance party. You can laugh at it, but loner dance parties are the greatest. You construct the most upbeat and badass playlist and just jam out to it by yourself. Loner dance parties are my guilty pleasure (cue the awkward moment when you thought you were home alone, only to discover your roomate has been next door listening in on you all along). 

5. After much contemplation and debating between whether to choose alcohol or food, I’m gonna go with food. My reason being, a delicious meal of the exact food you were craving leaves you totally satisfied. Alcohol, on the other had, while effectively relieving your stress for those few hours where you’re wasted, just makes you feel like crap the next day and serves as a painful reminder that you still have a shit ton of work to do, but now you’ve gotta do it with a hangover. Oh joy.

Those five tips, combined with some actual responsibility to do your work (good luck with that!) are a sure way to defeat the looming stress monster. And if you’re getting a stress pimple the size of a tennis ball, you know it’s time to consider the above. 

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