The two topics of conversation I have come to loathe are the two that every asshole seems to want to discuss. I sit there and listen and wonder why the person I’m talking to isn’t bothered by their banality.
Everyone has a dream to tell me about, and a conspiracy theory to let me in on. Both have no grounding in reality and, to me, are severely uninteresting. Dreams are abstract and hard to describe, which inevitably leads to a confounded look on the person's face as they attempt to ‘do it justice’ before giving up and saying “it was crazy, I just can’t describe it”. I have never thought to myself, boy I wonder what peoples dreams are like, I sure want to hear about them from someone who has zero command of the English language and a stupid haircut!
A far worse transgression is you spewing your latest conspiracy theory, while including the new word you learned (something like “clandestine”) a thousand times. Read the following in your best “dumb guy” voice: “If you don’t believe that 9/11 was a clandestine attack on the U.S, by, like, the clandestine U.S government, like, with aide from ,uh, a, uh, clandestine member of the Saudi royal family, then I just feel bad for you.” [Even worse is the term "sheeple" - Ed.] They always feel bad for you.
You can’t possibly fathom their level of knowledge regarding U.S foreign policy, building schematics, engineering, flight vectors, explosives and so on…right. “Conspiracy” has now taken over my T.V. Brad Meltzer’s Decoded on the History Channel is the biggest travesty of all time. It’s not even intellectual enough to be considered pseudo intellectual. The host, Brad Meltzer, has all the charisma of an autistic computer technician, the comedic timing of a fax machine and the sex appeal of a used tampon.
He sends his minions to “investigate” conspiracies that have confounded the rest of us, and unearth truths that will shake the foundation of our core beliefs in society. The problem is, they never get new information, they end up talking to unqualified boobs who have third hand knowledge that they consider groundbreaking. All of this is set to eerie music and edited to imply drama. Uchhhh, despicable. Stop it Brad Meltzer, you Michael Chiklis with AIDs looking fuckhead, everybody stop it.