Hana Shafi The Fuss Over Virginity

“Taking” her virginity.

I cringe at the phrase every time. “He took her virginity.” The concept makes little sense to me. I don’t see how a male consensually entering a female is really “taking” something. If anything, physically, I always saw the female as taking in something. At the risk of sounding awfully vulgar, isn’t the female “taking” something when her vagina is literally swallowing his dick? 

I’ve touched on the subject of virginity in a previous article where I mentioned that virginity is glorified as this symbol of purity, modesty, and even divinity, or it is looked down upon as inadequacy or ugliness. Neither of these interpretations are true, just as common heteronormative and cisnormative interpretations of what it even means to “lose” your virginity have been debunked and debated on time and time again. Society has taken a physical experience and loaded it with so many stigmas and symbols that what could be a perfectly simple decision and physical expression in life has now become a complicated personal debate raging inside in our heads. 

There’s this huge expectation pushed by popular media and sub-par sexual education that becomes internalized in the minds of young girls that your “first time” must be beautiful and poetic and must never come too soon or else you’ll be a harlot, go straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. And then it is internalized in the minds of young boys, who will simultaneously pressure and exploit the sexuality of young girls to please them then and there and then relentlessly berate them outside the bedroom for “putting out too soon.” So apparently, you’re supposed to wait till you’re in love but also just do it now or you’ll never be loved? I’m getting dizzy just thinking about it.

Then we have this silly assumption that all women hope for some wonderful first time only when they’re completely in love, even though there are plenty of men and women alike who really don’t care about it that much. Not to mention, this glamorized image of the “first time” as special and beautiful can be so misleading, when a lot of times it can generally be summarized as awkward shuffling in the dark even when the two are madly in love. 

While I don’t think there’s anything wrong in attributing emotion and attachment to a person’s first time having sex, I also think that this widely accepted concept of “losing” your virginity like it’s a goddamn diamond ring lodged between your legs, has tirelessly worked against people who don’t put that much importance on the emotional side. 

Our society has gotten itself so wrapped up in this oxymoron of demeaning sexuality while being equally sex-crazed, that the simple first act of a consensual sexual experience has turned into this messy of haze of “too soon,” “too late”, “so and so is heavenly, that one is a prude, and the other is a skank.” Maybe they just wanna get down and dirty, maybe they’d just like to get that awkward and sometimes a little painful first time aside so they can finally start exploring the awesome side of sex. Is that so wrong? 

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.