Hannah Star Get Happy, People!

Every time I look at my Facebook newsfeed, I feel like I’m drowning in a pool of depressing emo status updates. People are complaining left and right about their broken hearts (don’t worry, Biebs probably isn’t the father), mountains of homework (here’s an idea: get off Facebook and go do your fucking homework), and the prolific number of sexual assault accusations in the current GOP election race (legitimate concern). All of these gloomy messages have gotten me thinking: why are we all so fuckingg miserable all the time? Or better yet, what can we do to make our days a little cheerier? Here are three techniques sure to make you insta-happy every day.

1) Wear sexy underwear. It doesn’t matter if your sex life is nonexistent and no one but you and your mirror is ever going to know you’re wearing it, or what it looks like. When you walk around wearing a cute lacy G-string under your clothes all day, you’ll get a thrill out of the dirty little secret you’re sharing with yourself, plus an added boost of confidence from knowing how hot you look under your clothes. Sexy, confident people = happy people. Problem solved.

2) Check out the daily bunny. I don’t care if you’re the toughest player on the football team, an ironic hipster who hates all things cute, or completely terrified by all members of the familia rodentia; EVERYBODY LOVES BUNNIES. [Not to be a dick, but rabbits are lagomorphs, not rodents. I still love them. - Ed] Check out www.dailybunny.org for daily photos of freaking adorable bunnies. There are bunnies in gardens, bunnies in pumpkins, bunnies snuggling with other bunnies, bunnies in trees, bunnies wearing tiny plastic construction-worker hard-hats...quite frankly, the bunnies don’t stop. The cuteness overload simply MUSTmake you ridiculously happy.

3) Eat something yummy out of a ceramic mug with a spoon, preferably while wearing soft, stretchy clothing and curled up in a squishy armchair. This is arguably one of the most comforting activities on the planet. Firstly, you feel as though as though you’re protected by the soft, warm cushions of the armchair. Secondly, keeping your food safe in your own little mug, you get to enjoy a private moment of indulgence and peace. For maximum cosiness and warmth, I recommend filling your mug with any of the following snacks: rice pudding with cinnamon and raisins; cream of tomato soup; your favourite cereal with milk and a dollop of creamy peanut butter; or warm baked apples with cinnamon and vanilla ice cream. Again, there is no way that this activity will not make you happy.

The moral of the story? Get happy, people. Life’s too short for you to be spending time channelling your anger into a Facebook status that none of your friends care about reading. Wouldn’t you rather watch a confused-looking bunny in a tight red bunny-sized vest nibble at a purple flower? I know I would.


The worst thing is, they're cute and they *know* it. Whenever they get into mischief, they just sit and look cute, and I can't do a thing. Melts my heart, every time. Crazy bieunns!

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