If there’s one thing that guys never seem to tire of, it’s getting blowjobs, and rightfully so. Unfortunately there isn’t an official rulebook for guaranteeing a blowjob, but here are a few tips that will surely increase your chances:
1. There are actually some girls out there who truly don’t enjoy giving head. Avoid these girls at all costs. They’re selfish, weird, and in the long run no amount of cool personality traits will make up for the fact that they won’t slob on your knob.
2. If you think you could be getting any sort of action this weekend, you should definitely manscape. Chest hair is sexy and manly, facial stubble is hot and makes you look like a bit of a badass, but a bush of hair near your manhood is not manly, sexy, or badass – it’s fucking gross. Shave that shit and I promise your chances of getting any action below the belt will skyrocket.
3. Have you ever heard someone say that sex is like pizza? Even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. Well, blowjobs are like pancakes. There’s no such thing as bad, or even simply “pretty good” pancakes, they’re just always fucking awesome. So the next time a girl is going down on you, remember to treat it like the most exciting thing that has ever happened to you. Even girls who enjoy going down aren’t going to put up with potential neck cramps and gag reflex issues if they don’t feel like you’re appreciating it – so get excited dammit!
4. Return the favor once in a while. Seriously.
Combine these 4 tips with decent looks and a decent personality and you’re almost guaranteed a blowjob this weekend.