Paul Parillo Gingers DO have sperm!*

Just when you thought the evil eugenics movement of yesteryear was stomped out of recent memory, “Cryos International” is single-handedly trying to bring it back to existence. Cryos International is the world’s largest sperm bank and provides the earth’s inhabitants with over 65% of its sperm specimens – talk about monopolizing a population! But thanks to some terrible public relations, Cryos has been all over the news with their recent decision to stop accepting red-head donations. Gingers may not have souls, but boy, oh boy do they have sperm.

 It’s hard to completely fault the hefty sperm bank for its ginger refusal – the sperm business works the same as most large economies - supply and demand are the dictators of quantity and quality.  Apparently, people around the world simply have no desire to see anymore gingers walking the streets of their hometown. I suppose I can only appeal to pop culture when imagining the reasons for people to purposely not have ginger children; fat people can lose weight, relative ugliness can be skewed by a carefully placed scarf, but there’s nothing a person can do to change their ginger pigment. And it’s that very reason I feel inclined to fight for ginger progeny (within reason of course).

 Perhaps they sometimes look sickly, and maybe catching them in a stare has remnants of some Stephen King novels from the late 80’s, and maybe it’s odd they don’t seem to have a “scent”, and maybe their pale complexion creates snow blindness in the summer, and maybe they make me question evolution; I just can’t bring myself to condemn them – especially the unborn children. It’s almost like they have to live vicariously through the labelled faults deemed by society of what is common about ginger humans; I say give the kids a chance to prove you wrong, society.

 I suppose the only way around this depressing “Huxleyesque” population concern is for Cryos International to secretly breed an army of gingers for a specifically designed mass distribution program. That way, Cryos can start accepting new donations again and simultaneously re-imagine their company not just as a sperm bank, but also an illegal ginger breeding ground. 

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If I HAD to store If I HAD to store my juice, I would only store it a maximum 24 hours. Although Some jueicr manufactures say you can store juices up to 72 hours. If you juice some citrus fruit in the jueicr (Usually lemons) it will increase the time you can store it due to citric acid (A natural preservative)

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