Paul Parillo Go on the Starbucks Diet!*

Remember Jared? You know, the once festering heap of lard who turned his life around and loss an exorbitant amount of weight by eating Subway; you know, the guy whose 15 minutes of fame has somewhat lasted 15 years; you know, the guy whose breasts could accurately be likened to that of Octomom’s? Well, there’s a new uber consumer trolling the newsfeeds claiming her 85 pound weight-loss is due to eating and drinking at Starbucks, everyday.

And when I say eating and drinking, that isn’t the 3 coffees and 1 hello dolly per visit. Christine Hall, 66, has been eating 3 full meals everyday for the past two years and has somehow lost an almost “Jaredesque” weight margin. Once she began forgoing the sugary treats and stuck to the sandwiches and wraps, the weight simply fell off like a benign skin tag. And with seemingly no physical exertion other than bringing the food to and from her mouth, Ms. Hall has renewed the ever existing bout of hope to those looking for a “quick and easy fix” when battling weight gain.

How convenient (with the wallet being the exception) it is to take part in a ritual already found in most people’s lives. And with the constant proximity of Starbucks nowadays, it's be hard not to fall into such a subliminal advertising trap being presented by people such as Christine. Simply from a speculative perspective, it’s tough to imagine an immaculate scenario like this happening by accident. How likely does it seem that companies like Starbucks spend millions and millions of dollars every year on advertising only to end up having a happy accident like Jared that becomes their most effective campaign? Logic and romanticism can’t live harmoniously in a predicament such as this.

With the money spent on this “diet plan,” your overages could easily get you a membership to the most expensive gyms in town. You know, the ones that give out freshly cleaned towels for your shower; you know, the ones that have massage therapists included; you know, the ones that hire attractive employees who wink suggestively at your thighs during an incline marathon on the elliptical?  

When a nutritionist was interviewed about this recent consumer phenomenon, she said how important it was to remember that eating at a place like that 3 times a day, every day, automatically excludes the nutritional requirements your body needs on a daily basis. And when sandwiches and wraps are scientifically and logistically designed to be efficiently made and easily consumed, it begs the question as to the overall quality to begin with.

Suffice it to say, once you stop eating the food at Starbucks, the weight will most likely comeback. It’s certainly not a good dietary choice, let alone the sole proprietor of your road to healthy living. Don’t forget that this has been done before (unsuccessfully I might add) with almost every other chain – even McDicks – and it’s not likely to stop.

If only it wasn’t all so delicious.  

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