Paul Parillo The Good Ol' Days (of Weird Internet Shit)

Remember “2 girls 1 cup”, or how about “Mr. Hands” (the posthumous release of the fatally wounded bestiality enthusiast), or even (and my personal favorite) “Putrid Sex Object” (the eerily shot video where a deceptive cross-dresser walks around a darkened house until he finds a skinned cow’s head to which he makes love while dressing himself with its rotten muscle tissue); oh the good ol’ days. It’s been several years since these notorious internet videos have tormented our lives, and it’s about time some new ones show up.

Nowadays the web is inundated with people’s cats being cute, people’s children being cute, and zoo animals, well, being cute. People are getting soft, and trolling the internet now is just as interesting as spending a Saturday night at “Fabricland”. Doesn’t anyone want to freak out their friends to a point of vomiting? At the very least, the option to do so used to be there.

For a while it seemed like the trend of deplorable videos would continue on forever, getting increasingly horrifying and borderline illegal. But just like any trend, the videos ceased to come up on the radar and then eventually died off like a lame animal species. Now, there are only remnants of a once disgusting past – it’s only through the videos of yesteryear that we can relive it, yet we’re left still wanting more and still wishing for a peak into humans' most debased nature. 

Unfortunately, I’m only a spectator; I don’t have the personality CV that would necessitate the creation of a new video. I could fake it, but that’s not enough – realism is what makes the videos so effective. There needs to be a resurgence before our internet gets any cuter. The good ol’ days seem far behind us now, and it’s frightening to think we won’t ever get them back. Some nights I cry myself to sleep wondering when I’ll see someone getting fucked to death by an animal 5 times their size, or seeing someone pulling glass out of their body after making a poor insertion choice. I’m not a sick person for thinking this either – I’m merely considering the value of our entertainment from a widened objective point-of-view. The options at least need to be there – otherwise our appreciation of the variety of human nature will lessen, narrow, and the darker elements of entertainment will be spent watching “The Joy of Painting”. 

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