L Woods Hollywood lies: Hot Accent guy

Hollywood is known for making mythical creatures come to life. They do it all the time: sparkly vampires, werewolves, women who wear pearls while washing the dishes... They seem to be able to make anything look legit.

I’ve recently learned of another mythical creature that Hollywood has created, one that they use so well, I actually thought it was real! It’s name? Hot Accent Guy. He appears in almost every film, and probably every RomCom ever created, always rescuing the damsel in distress while simultaneously whispering sweet nothings into her ear with that ridiculously sexy accent of his. (For most girls, a British accent gets their clothes off faster than if they were on fire. Personally, an Irish or French accent does the trick.) He has captured the hearts of audiences everywhere. Men want to be him; women want to be beneath him. The problem is that he doesn’t really exist!

I made this discovery last week. It was my reading week and I found myself single, bored, and in possession of a plane ticket to Europe. I figured, what better way to spend my week off than a solo trip to Paris? I imagined I’d spend a couple days visiting my family and then I’d spend a nice, long weekend having some fun with a Frenchman named Louis.

Well, wasn’t I just disappointed when I discovered that Hollywood has been telling us all one big, fat, juicy lie. The issue? There are no hot men in Europe. None – and believe me, I searched. The only Louis I found had the last name Vuitton, and he’s a little overrated, not to mention pricey, if you ask me. The women, on the other hand, are stunning, stylish, and probably single.

After my trip I’m convinced that the only good-looking men with accents are being held captive by Hollywood and spend most of their spare time making out with Jennifer Aniston and eating at over-priced vegan restaurants. Sorry ladies, there’s just no hope for us.

The bright side of this story, however, is that all of you hot, Canadian men who just aren’t getting any action up here in the great, white North, could totally get some overseas. Seriously, for Spring Break you could either spend a week in Punta Cana making out with drunk sorority chicks whose beer guts are spilling out of their too small bikinis – OR – you could spend a week with gorgeous, long-legged, French chicks who barely speak English and would totally consider you to be a hot guy with an accent.

It’s your call bro.

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