Jenderbender Humans are Eloquent Apes: We probably have learned nothing at all so far

One night as I sat wide awake from drinking too much coffee, I decided like so many university procrastinators before me, to search Youtube in the hopes of finding that Eureka-entertainment moment that makes life worth living. To my joy-dismay-curiosity- inner-child high-fiving I ended up in that “weird part of Youtube”... again. But as I sat there watching a mature audience video of a pole dancer working it to Bassnectar, I realized something. Holy shit we’re all apes. All Jesuit Evangelical creationist freaks aside, as this gothy pole dancer swung from that brass as if it were a sexy tree-branch, it all came together. Holy shit we’re all apes. We’ve not changed as a human race at all.

As a human race, we need and revel in the same things we always have. Then my caffeine riddled brain went NOS on me, and I began to think about all the fart and sex jokes I was able to decipher whilst reading 16th century middle English in first year university, the human obsession with food and sex, and why coconuts are so fucking difficult to eat… and banana’s are child’s play in the user friendly variety of fruit. We also totally fear tigers and get pissed off at having to wear pants. We like to get fucked up with our millennia-long love affair with ethanol, and can’t say no to sugar, boobies, and various forms of amusement park rides. Technology seemingly just makes everything easier and classier, essentially fooling the human into thinking that they’ve somehow made it after all these gazillions of years. In fact, this is how it all started to begin with. I was bored, got fucked up off caffeine, and wanted to see a naked dancer grind her face off to dub step at 4 a.m. in the morning.

Holy shit I’m an ape.

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