Hannah Star Jersey Vs. Geordie

If you’ve ever heard of MTV, you’ve definitely heard of Jersey Shore. The originator of T-shirt Time, GTL, and most likely countless cases of herpes, this “reality” show has fist-pumped its way into millions of homes worldwide. But fans of Jersey Shore may not be acquainted with the show’s British counterpart: MTV UK’s “Geordie Shore”. If you’re getting antsy waiting for season 3 of Jersey Shore (aka the cast-members realize they’re about as Italian as Pizza Hut,) there are a few reasons you might want to turn your attention overseas.

Now you know I don’t like to judge people by their physical appearances, but the cast of Geordie Shore is much easier to look at. I’d take trashy small-town England over Gorilla Juiceheads any day. Geordie Shore’s Gary, for example, is a way better version of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. Gary’s got the bajillion-pack abs, and unlike The Situation, actually looks younger than the age of forty. (The Situation is actually only thirty…but isn’t that still too old to be spending your life GTL-ing?) The girls are cuter, too, although that’s not a particularly difficult accomplishment when you’re up against Snooki and Deena. One of the Geordie girls, Holly, has the biggest boobs I have ever. Seen. In my life. I am fairly confident that she could use them as a chin rest. Geordie Shore’s worth a watch just so you can spend a good five minutes speculating how Holly stays upright.

Even though it’s a “reality” show, Geordie Shore follows more or less an identical plot to Jersey Shore. The girl with the boyfriend back home cheats on him. Bet you didn’t see that one coming. Another girl leaves the house and comes back a bunch of times, Angelina-style. Don’t worry, you won’t have to expend too much brainpower trying to make sense of the course of events.

The only downside to Geordie Shore is that if you’ve never spent copious times around Brits, you’ll have a really tough time deciphering what the cast-members are saying. It sounded like an entirely different language to me. I mean, these kids aren’t speaking the posh English of Will and Kate. Their English sounds more like those creepy people on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. But you’ll get used to the way they speak after an episode or two.

Things started making sense to me when I finally realized that “pulling a bird” means having sex with a girl. Sweet! New vocabulary! With any luck, it’ll show up on my GRE. Then I’d be able to credit Geordie Shore as an educational experience, and not just a wonderful excuse to shut my brain off for hours and watch trashy Brits get drunk and do stupid shit on camera.

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