Hannah Star Learn to talk: like an international lover

Remember that time last week when you heard Pitbull and Chris Brown’s “International Love” for the four hundred and seventieth time, and vowed that if you heard the song one more time you would most likely rip your radio out of the car and chuck it out the window? Well, I think it’s possible that the only reason you’re tired of this song is that you don’t understand the profound, inspirational meaning of its lyrics. I’ll try my best to help shed some light on the complexities of these lyrics. Here goes:

“You put it down like New York City/ I never sleep, wild like Los Angeles/ My fantasy, hotter than Miami/ I feel the heat!/ Ohh, Miss International love/ Ohh, Miss International love”

Translation: Shall I compare thee to various American cities? Yes, I believe I shall. So like, you know how they call New York “the city that never sleeps”? Well, when I’m with you, we have toooons of sex, so like...I never sleep. So you’re like New York City, because it’s the city that never sleeps. Get it?!

And then there’s L.A., which is known for being wild. You are also pretty wild, so I suppose I will compare you, in that sense, to Los Angeles.

Finally, if I were to rate your physical attractiveness on a scale that’s normally used to measure air temperature, you would be incredibly hot. Miami is also incredibly hot. It was 37° once in 2004. Therefore, you are also like Miami. (Side note: I’m pretty sure that being compared to three American cities does not quite make you an international love, but...well...I mean, we just have to accept that we’re not going to be able to understand Pitbull and Chris Brown’s genius 100% of the time).

In Lebanon, yeah the women are bomb

Translation: The women are extremely attractive in Lebanon. In order to paint a clearer picture of their attractiveness, I will use uncomfortable and potentially insensitive word choice to allude to the violent turmoil that is currently plaguing the Middle East.

En Cuba, la cosa está dura!/ But the women get down, if you know what I mean!

Translation: Cuba, an island nation in the Caribbean, has been suffering for decades under a corrupt Communist government. So, like, cosas have deeefinitely been dura (as in, things have been really hard for those Cuban folk. Haha, get it? Hard? Get it?). But don’t get too worried about those Cubans; things haven’t been so hard that it’s stopped the women from wanting to have sex. In fact, the women have had plenty of time to get down, particularly onto their knees in order to more effectively put my penis in their mouths. You know, those Castro guys might be a pain in the neck, but I totally love Cuba! Yeah! ["Pain in their neck" eh? Eh? -Ed]

Don’t feel bad about yourself if it takes a while for the meaning of these lyrics to sink in; I know it’s really hard to wrap your head around the concepts I’ve presented here. Pitbull and Chris Brown are incredibly proficient writers whose literary talent is far beyond the reach of the majority of their listeners. It’s only natural for us to feel inferior.

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