Hannah Star Learn to Talk Gangster: Eminem

Are you tired of Spanish class? Are you sick of translating ancient Latin and Greek or practising for your French oral exam? Forget those foreign languages – they’re not important. Today we’re going to have a real language lesson. We’re going to examine the delicate intricacies, the vivid artistry, and the profound expressiveness of the only language that you really need to know if you want to get by in the world: rap lyrics. As our case study, let’s take a look at “Lighters,” the collaboration between Eminem and Bruno Mars that’s currently topping the charts. Check out the easy-to-use translations I’ve provided to the most mind-boggling of Eminem’s rap lyrics.

“Had a dream I was king, I woke up, still king/ This rap game’s nipple is mine for the milking”

Translation: In my dream, I was an incredibly successful – in fact, I was the most successful – musician that ever lived. When I woke up, I realized that my dream was actually an accurate representation of reality. I was very happy about this pleasant co-incidence. Because I am so genius and talented, I can do anything I want in the rap industry. You might even say my ability to take advantage of the rap industry is akin to a baby procuring sustenance from its mother’s breast.

“People don’t usually come back this way/ From a place that was dark as I was in/ Just to get to this place/ Now let these words be like a switch blade to a hater’s rib cage”

Translation: Broke, unemployed, drug-abusing, gang-fighting single parents do not typically achieve fame in the music industry. Did you know that I was a broke, unemployed, drug-abusing, gang-fighting single parent? Aren’t you impressed with me now? I bet you are. I did something really cool. I would like to inflict potentially fatal wounds in the torsos of people who doubted me.

“Used to have to eat the cat to get the pussy/ Now I’m just the cat’s meooww, ow”

Translation: Before I achieved my current level of fame, I was unable to find women to have sex with me. I was so unsuccessful at accessing a woman’s pussy that if I wanted to get pussy, I would have had to consume an actual cat. Get it? Because cats are also called pussies. Anyways, now that I’m famous, I engage in copious amounts of sexual intercourse with women. I no longer contemplate eating actual cats.

I hereby certify you as qualified enough to head to the hood and communicate freely with hood locals. I accept no responsibility for any injuries or loss of life you may obtain as a result. Best of luck with your new language skills!


Wow, that's a raelly clever way of thinking about it!

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