Paul Parillo The Learning Channel

TLC: Tanned, Lubricated Cats; Turkish Lawn Chairs; Tommy’s Lobster Cunts; The Learning Channel. Every variation seems just as feasible as the next, yet I’m surprised the name hasn’t been changed. When has anyone actually learned something from this channel? The only thing I’ve ascertained by watching the shows on TLC is how easy it is to hate people. I’ve yet to meet anyone who “likes” the shows and instead maintain the idea that it’s purely out of how poor the shows actually are that keep their attention. Even so, why waste the time on that drivel, and even if you wanted to waste your time, one could find a more rewarding pursuit boycotting a company that thinks the definition of learning is watching people act like grown up abortions.

Tell me, does watching “say yes to the dress” give women clit boners purely from the element of romanticism associated by it? Does watching honey boo boo incite laughter at the expense of an obese family on the verge of ultimate degradation, or does it give an insight to life of child beauty pageants? Well, at least when you watch cake boss you can feel engaged during a heart-felt roller-coaster ride of an episode where the boss yells, someone fucks up an order and the terminal child cries at the end when he sees the final cake.

Reality, in most cases as seen on TLC, teaches us nothing valuable unless it has some kind of negative underpinning. The reality you learn from exists outside the walls of your home – if you want to see humanity failing, step outside, watch a man shit on the sidewalk or see a homeless woman yelling at a stop sign.  It’s much funnier to see it happen in front of your eyes, and at least the experience isn’t pretentious enough to suggest it’s where you come to learn.

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