Victor Padula Lies You May Be Living: Wardrobes and Women

I think we can all agree that everybody’s pretty much full of shit. While the sheer volume of said shit is in itself uninteresting, the multitude of shit variation is so great and diverse that it boggles the mind. It’s amazing that even generally boring and uncreative people can approach levels of artistic genius when crafting the numerous lies and self-deceptions that help them get through the day.

The pungent aromas of our half-baked rationalizations, poorly constructed defense mechanisms and idiotic crusades for greatness waft through society, perpetuating the continual shit-storm that we call modern life. While we’ll most certainly never fully be able to stop this eternal stream, it’s my hope that by identifying some of its primary iterations we may be able to briefly defer the day when we’ll inevitably drown ourselves in its fetid stinking mass.

The Clothes Make the Man

According to wikipedia, “the man” is actually made of oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. In fact, not a single one of the more popular textiles used for clothing can be found in our chemical composition. This leads me to believe that if you’re an overweight short guy with bad skin, there’s not a three piece suit on the planet that’s going to make you fuckable.

My advice is to save the money that you were planning on spending on your wardrobe and spend it on the dating service managed to match up Danny Devito and Rhea Pearlman.

You Know What Women Want

Contrary to popular belief, women do not share some supernatural hive mind that uniformly dictates all of their needs, desires and aspirations. Startling new research seems to suggest that each woman operates as an individual human being with her own interests and priorities. The same of course can not be said for men: we do all just want to bang, eat, and sleep our way into an early grave.

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