Paul Parillo Liquor Tits*

Nothing goes better together than alcohol and breasts. And as if to read my mind, a German liquor company has combined both in one of the most original, conspicuous, and expensive products to hit the stores in recent memory. G-Spirits has seemingly reinvented the brewing process by taking their spirits (whiskey, rum, vodka etc) that have been aged for 10 years in oak barrels, to then be poured over a nude model’s breasts (and nether regions) which is then filtered into a bottle for sale.

If you’re wondering as to the validity of this breast augmentation, worry not; they take pictures to verify the process and seal the deal with an original signature from the female involved (kind of like when you donate money to kids in Africa, just less altruistic). All it costs for this nipple nectar is a mere 180 doll hairs (plus shipping). Oh, and there’s only 5000 bottles in circulation – so hurry up!

The company claims to uphold all government rules and regulations regarding food and drink safety - so at least we know the girls had a shower....together....and because of these stringent rules, every beautiful girl was subject to a thorough inspection to determine cleanliness. At which time if there were any discrepancies, each girl was subject to a gentle spanking from any one of the other girls. On some days, one could hear the deep moans coming from behind the bath house walls......excuse me, I’ve soiled myself.

Is this a tasteless publicity stunt, or some genuine artisans being original in a redundant market? Who knows, frankly, I don’t care – I just felt it prudent to introduce two obvious argument points. Either way, the people who’ll buy this stuff will either be wealthy enough to spend the money (while flaunting it) or people who are already drunk and have access to their credit card while stumbling upon this opportunity.

I can imagine many instances (and I’m sure you can too) where I’ve made poor monetary choices for sillier products. Buying liquor that’s touched a beautiful woman’s body isn’t such a bad investment when compared to other similar instances. Besides, try pouring liquor over your girlfriend’s naked body to just rebottle it and drink it later, I can’t imagine it going well – maybe wait until she’s unconscious first.

So perhaps it tastes better or maybe it’s just the placebo effect, either way, again, I don’t care - I’m just trying to conveniently wrap up this article. I can’t see myself buying this product, but I’d certainly try it if offered to me. If it tasted like regular liquor, I’d be sure to let the G-Spirits folks know so they could commence with the spanking of naughty bottoms!

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