Paul Parillo Lube It Up!

Cosmo is an interesting source of information whenever I’m looking to learn about sex holes and why girls like crying for no reason. Although, every so often I’ll come across an article that posits certain propositions or advice that begs too many questions, specifically a recent article I read called: “Sexy Ways to Use Lube”. Then I began to wonder, “Should I be concerned that people aren’t using lube properly (or for its intended reason)?” And then I thought, “Holy shit, that lady over there reminds me of Robert DeNiro”, but then I recalled my train of thought and began wondering, “Perhaps there should be a short listed review on new ways of using lube”, and so, here it is:

Lube can, of course, be edible. So I would suggest supplementing it in meals. For example: cereal (milk substitute), popular alcoholic beverages (substitute the alcohol for lube), use it as a cooking oil, or even spread it on some toast in the morning. Don’t be afraid to use if for marinating meats, dressing salads, icing cakes.

Looking for the added house hold shine? Try lubing up your stairs and railings as a hilarious prank on friends and family. Uh oh! Grandma slipped on the lube and needs a new hip – don’t worry, there’s lube for that! Start by creating a hip mold by freezing some lube in a hip shaped (freezer safe) vessel. This may take some time to harden so be productive in the meanwhile, and comfort your dazed relative until the mold finally sets. Next, perform the hip replacement surgery and install the new hip. Way to go!

We’ve all heard of lubed up wrestling matches, but how about other lubed up sports? It’s simple, take anything related to a sport, and in a very uncreative way, smother it in lube! Baseballs, baseball bats, running shoes, footballs, hockey sticks, bows and arrows, dart boards, shot-puts, golf clubs etc. If it exists, you can lube it!

It’s not about practicality, it’s about originality. And nothing says being original like applying lube to an activity or object that is completely uncalled for.  

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