Paul Parillo Man Crush

I am not afraid to admit that I, a heterosexual male, have a man crush on a few lucky male actors. Their onscreen prowess, cunningly fierce physical features and general successes leave a profound feeling of vicariousness as I shake my stiff “broner” in their direction. The faded line of what denotes a “man crush” seems to be shrouded in a homoerotic captivation that the term can’t seem to denounce. I believe it’s more innocent than that; I fear no consequence and am certain my morality and butthole can remain wholly intact.

According to the definition in my head; 1: “A Man Crush is the intentional recognition of an attraction to a member of the same sex within the boundaries of heterosexuality. The term is usually used in conjunction with celebrities; it also invokes the softer side of the male population as it isn’t common for hetero males to admit a certain fondness for other males.” 2: “A hilariously transparent excuse for a heterosexual male to admit they find other males sexually attractive in a dangerously romantic way.”

My first crush boasts a “tour de force”, of which can be likened to that of a school girl’s; his name is Daniel Craig, and his portrayal of James Bond has got my nuts in a frenzy. Whether it’s his cool demeanor, suave disposition or rock hard bod, I can’t seem to ignore an inherent desire to cuddle up to warm fire manly stuff. He’s so tough and confident that the odd homoerotic encounter would only harden his already grizzled and experienced exterior.

Viggo Mortensen is the manliest of all mans. Have you seen him wield his rightful sword in battles across all three Lord of the Rings movies? With such grit, leadership and kindness, no maiden would be fairer than the man love I have for him. We’d practice sword fighting all day until our chain armor was heavy with man sweat, after which we’d take to the bathhouse where not a moment was spared before we.....became fully cleaned in the privacy of our stalls.

Here’s some more: Paul Rudd, Clive Owen, Daniel Day Lewis, Brad Pitt etc. I can think of so many things that we could do if we were forced to be quarantined in the same room for hours – oh we’d probably start with.......telling hilarious anecdotes about how much we all equally and collectively love pussy.    

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