Hannah Star Mile High Club: Members Wanted

This week in totally gross news stories that you didn’t ask to read about, a Cincinnati-based airline called Flamingo Air is now priding itself on being the only airline in America that allows its customers to join the Mile High Club.

That’s right, all you horny frequent flyers: for $425, you and your loved one can fuck for an hour in a private jet, flown by what the company describes as a “very discreet pilot”. Flamingo Air will even throw in a bottle of champagne and chocolates! Sweet!

According to the New York Daily News, Flamingo Air pilot Dave McDonald reported that “I have had a high heel in my ear once, been shot in the back of the head with a champagne cork, and thank God we wear headsets.” The company also says that it sells up to eight sessions per day, which begs the question of how much time could possibly be devoted to sterilizing the plane’s interior in between flights.

It also begs the question why so many Americans are willing to spend their money on something so completely tacky. And besides, if you’ve always dreamed about joining the Mile High Club, aren’t you somewhat attracted to the riskiness of having to sneak into the airplane bathroom to do the deed? Isn’t the danger of it the reason why the Mile High Club is so appealing, and so prestigious? Having sex in front of a pilot who’s totally okay with it – hell, he’s even offering you champagne – seems way too easy, and not remotely rewarding.

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