Liam Montgomery Misimpressions

The pick-up game is full of innuendos, allusions, assumptions, signals and often delusions. With all these obstacles in the path of that nut it is easy to get lost in the labyrinth of love, never knowing what side of the line between harmless but intoxicating flirtation and real talk you will land.

I met a girl in a poetry workshop, but we lost touch. A few years later we ran into each other outside of both of our establishments of employment, because they happened to be next door to each other. We hugged and laughed and I asked her to visit me sometime on her lunch break, because I work at a restaurant.

The next week, she did. I took lunch with her. Naturally, we exchanged numbers and she went back to work.

That evening I texted her, “hey beautiful how was the shift?”

Blah-blah-blah, “we should have dinner.”

She replies “Sounds great. Can’t wait handsome ;)”

That’s right a motherfucking wink. Shit is on. Randomly that weekend, I was working the night shift behind the bar. Good times all around, place was busy and we were making money. A blonde Amazon takes her seat right in front of my well. We flirt, she gets a bit tipsy, we eye fuck. Her friends think I am hilarious. My phone buzzes; it’s a text from the girl next door.

“Hey handsome, you working?”

“Yeah, swing by.”

She comes in solo, takes the nearest seat to me. I bring her a drink. Ask her about her night, her plans; invite her out for drinks with me when I get off which was like in three hours, so she waits in the restaurant. A little later on the Amazon is standing at the end of the bar and waves me over.

“When you off?”

“In a few.”

“Where we going after hot stuff?”

“Not sure.”

“We should go for a drink.”

I point to the girl next door and say “I’ve got a date with her.”

“Then what was with all that eye stuff?”

That was before the girl next door got here, I thought. I just smiled and shrugged. So I’m all done, she is the only costumer left in the restaurant. I grab my things and we head on our way. It was a busy night and I got off a little later than I had planned so not much was open. She and I found ourselves on a park bench just down the way. I was doing my fly up when she snuck a peak.

“Ooh, striped?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled. I flashed her some more.

“We are playing that game,” she shows me hers.

Blah-blah-blah, my hand is on her ass, finger in the pants. We look at each other. I go for a kiss. She plays defence. I back peddle.

“Sorry am I just taking things completely wrong?”

“Yeah I think so.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have a boyfriend.”

I have a boyfriend what the fuck? Then what was all of that? What about the fucking Amazon? It is easy to get lost in the labyrinth never knowing which side of the line you land on.

Liam Montgomery   

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