Kyle Towers modernizing famous quotations & adages

Although still brilliant and useful, some of our most famous quotations are no longer as relevant. Beneath, I have compiled four which I believe need to be modernized and I have taken the liberty to do so.

1. Make Love, Not War 

At 7 billion people, we’ve clearly made too much love. - Our culture has become way too slutty. I’m ashamed of you all! - Sexually transmitted diseases and infections are amuck everywhere.

Modern offering: Make Responsible Love, Not War

2. The Pen is Mightier than the Sword 

Nobody uses the pen nor the sword anymore. - This quote essentially means that more influence and power can be won by writing than by fighting and I don’t think this is the case anymore. It seems any douchebag idiot can come into power.

Modern offering: The Weapon of Mass Destruction is Mightier than the Word Processor

3. Slow And Steady Wins The Race

This adage makes me want to go back in time to find the halfwit who spoke it (Aesop) and then challenge him to a race- because I would surely beat him.  Life is too short to take your time and be diligent; there are too many deadlines. The only thing you should take your time with is sex, but my friends, sex ain’t no race.

Modern offering: Fast and Hard, baby!

4. Money Can’t Buy Happiness

Have you not seen those older big boobed ladies ecstatically bouncing their big boobs all over the place when they winmoney or materials on a game show? Maybe money can’t buy direct happiness, but money can buy things that will bring about happiness. Saying money can’t buy happiness is like saying smoking doesn’t kill- cancer does. People were a lot happier when we weren’t in a recession.

Modern offering: Money Buys Everything (incl hookers and blow)

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