Hana Shafi Ode To Winking*

Few can truly say that they have mastered the tricky skill that is winking. See, with winking, there’s such a fine line between making the panties drop, and making someone have a serious urge to collide their fist with your face. But alas, the start of a new school year has made me get into some serious thinking about my goals, and by that I mean, I want to master the wink. 

Essentially, winking comes down to the whole idea of “flirting.” But then I ask myself, what the fuck is this whole flirting business?

The word is always tossed around by friends hoping to help you get laid or even just get romantically closer to someone special. Well, first they’re all gonna advise that you just “be yourself!” But then the usual chimes of “just flirt a bit!” start popping up all through the conversation. 

But flirting requires some kind of charm, some kind of quick wit to say so-called “suggestive” things that are not too perverted, but still a bit “naughty.” Maybe some can think on their feet well enough to respond with playful and sharp comebacks, but then what do the rest of us do?

We wink, that’s what. Winking does require some degree of charm, but it eliminates the chances of stuttering, spitting or spewing chunks of food across the table because you got too caught up in wanting to say something flirty. Yes, winking may not be good if your eye suddenly develops an uncontrollable twitch. But as intimidating as winking may seem, I’d like to see it as an ally to those who can’t really do any of the other “flirty” things (i.e. casual hand on thigh motion while laughing gleefully like Julia Roberts). 

I’ll admit, I’m pretty fucking scared to be embarking on this quest to create the perfect wink. It’ll require precision, ambition and just pure drive. But if I can successfully wink without crossing the line into becoming a certified creep, then just about anyone can do it. Brace yourself citizens of Toronto, I’ll be winking at you soon. 

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