Paul Parillo Party Time (Christianity Style)*

One of my favourite comedians, Maria Bamford, has a really great bit about the demographical intentions of young adults within the Christian community. It’s the modernizing and selling of what starts out sounding transparent and interesting, but inevitably turns horribly two-faced with regards to intent. I would always laugh and imagine similar scenarios and even picture her delivering the banter therein. Oddly enough, my imagination didn’t have to travel much further than that when just recently I had the very same situation take place – right at the front door of my apartment no less.

To be more specific, the interaction was between myself and the neighbor directly across from me (along with his friends). They seemed nice enough; we were all roughly around the same age and I knew (like me) they were also musicians - a common ground stable to build any friendship. Although their music teetered on the cheesier ecclesial verses found only in the echoing halls of church, I seemed to sense a genuine air about them – even if we stood spiritually segregated.

They insisted I come over to hangout and jam with them on Saturday nights, except now, because of the noise and volume of people who joined them, they had moved their hangouts to a different location downtown. The proposition seemed innocent enough (almost too innocent in fact, one of their enticements were how they sometimes stayed up until midnight eating pizza – with his pals giggling defiantly like twelve year old school girls). Of course this all sounded relatively boring, but it wasn’t until the next thing he said that got my nuts in a knot.

“....and then we’ll just spontaneously start worshipping....” Huh? What the fuck does that mean? How does one spontaneously worship anything? The thought of doing something like that made me imagine a group of young adults who forgot their ADD pills running around a room filled with stained glass windows and occasionally remembering why they were there. It was then they revealed the location being a church, and that they were all devoutly religious and looking to bring some new people down for a good time. And although they promised me it would be fun even if I didn’t have similar beliefs, I couldn’t get past the image of watching everyone suddenly worship something invisible.

By all means, go worship, have fun, eat pizza and play music – just don’t try and swindle me with red herrings and unjustly devious motives – it’s unbecoming and reminds me too much of shitty M. Night Shyamalan movies.

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