Hana Shafi PDA, Just Stop.

I’m doing my usual stressed out power walk to school, and as if the intersection of Yonge and Dundas wasn’t congested enough, I now must dodge the obstacle that is a couple making out at a busy intersection. I know that waiting for the little walk sign to come on can be a bit boring, but is it necessary that you give each other reassuring kisses every two seconds? Then the walk sign finally turns on and of course these fuckers take forever to notice, so I attempt to go around them, but then they start moving in that direction and well, it’s  just a mess and I’m fuming.

Public displays of affection piss me off. I’m all for love and companionship and all that warm fuzzy stuff, but what I cannot understand are these couples so pathetically addicted to each other that walking down a busy street is a whole ordeal for them because they have to stop holding hands for a matter of three seconds. Go home, fuck tirelessly, make out on benches during picturesque snowfall and all that postcard worthy crap, but move out of the way when I’m trying to urgently get somewhere.

Even now as I write, I just had to observe a couple sensually kiss and caress each other  for a good five minutes in Starbucks. And as much as I tried to ignore it, they were directly in my line of sight and my periphery vision could sense these two embraced in some really diehard lip lock. This. Is. Starbucks. Your boyfriend isn’t tragically leaving to fight the war, he’s right in the seat next to you so I would suggest calming the fuck down. 

I’m truly perplexed by this behaviour. I don’t care how much you both love the shit out of each other, you’re no longer a pre-pubescent 12-year-old couple and this isn’t middle school so no one is at all impressed or scandalized by your “rebellious” public displays of affection, just pissed off and irritated. 

I’ve got no problem with kisses and hugs here and there, but if you look like you’re about to fuck or you’re blocking people’s way in a crowded subway station, than I suggest you cease and desist. And if you’re one of those PDA-happy couples and you’ve somehow been completely oblivious to how annoying you are, here’s your update: you are not cute in any way. Now stop caressing one another and let me cross the street. 

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