I thank you for writing your post. I find that you have articulated a feeling which many men (possibly women) can relate to. The insurmountable fear of picking up women, or the sysyphian task of talking to women without babbling like a recently-released lunatic. The feeling is perhaps amplified greatly by the proliferation of books on picking up women, such as The Game.
The Game, and books similar to it, prey on people like you who have trouble talking to women, and make significant coin by proslytizing that they are the sole keyholders of the right method to get women, or “score” chicks”. They often come laden with pictures of the author with hot women all around them, and say things like “this could be you” “this could be your life” if only you were to subscribe to their newsletter for $19.99 a month, or go to their conferences at a mere $500 a weekend [seriously though, they charge insane coin for these things].
Evolution is a fact, no matter what your mom, priest, or fundie facebook friends say. However, make no mistake about it, we are not that far away from Neanderthals. By the most conservative estimates, Neanderthals lived about 30,000 years ago. Not a very long time at all, in the evolution timeline. This being the case, we still pay homage to our Neanderthal ancestors in a few ways. We grow hair all over ourselves, grunt during orgasm, and choose violence as an acceptable response to conflict. But, the biggest similarity between us and Neanderthals, is our social behavior when it comes to new people. Researchers explain that Neanderthals either gave gifts to become friendly with others, or beat their elders to death to gain respect.
So the question is, how do our similarities to Neanderthals relate to our lives? Here’s where I come in to unravel this doozy.
Consider the two social behaviours conducted by Neanderthals to serve as a guideline to our modern practices of relating to the opposite sex. Giving gifts or beating the other to death.
The Giving Gifts Man: You know this person. He’s often sad, fat, and akward. However, he sometimes has women around him, often pretty. You wonder, how is this guy landing all these hot chicks? Answer, he buys them a ton of shit, and they latch on to him because of this. These men are often in high demand, especially in poorer cultures, and are known by the colloquial “Sugar Daddy”.
The Beat Them to Death Man: You know this guy. He’s the “asshole” that your girl friends talk about. He treats them poorly, offers a ride then makes them pay for gas, sees you with a sunburn, and slaps it, is generally a Scumbag Steve. These men are particularly popular among women that are prone to self-destruction, have low self-esteem, and are invariably unintelligent.
Then we have you. Average Joe. Looking to talk to women, and not knowing how. Feeling badly about yourself for not being able to talk to women, you turn to the “experts” and read all about this magnificent system which is sure to get you girls.
The System is essentially a middle-ground between Giving Gifts and Beating Them to Death, with individuals being more Neanderthal than human. There are concepts like “negging” wherein you insult the girl to make her feel bad about herself, thus in a state of mind to “prove her worth” by acting slutty to show she still has something to offer. Or so the theory goes. It’s effective, to some extent, but a shitty way to go about it.
Here’s my method.
Again, it’s somewhere in between Giving Gifts and Beating Them to Death, but is more heavily weighted on the evolved side. Here’s how it works. Be nice. Be kind. Talk to women and listen. Respond. Be interested and be interesting. Have hobbies. Stop putting the pussy on a pedestal. Women are people, you are a person. Be human. Be honest. And if you like a woman, and things are going well, feel free to pay for a drink sometime. Don’t give her your wallet. Don’t tip $100 because she’s hot and you think that’ll win her over. Don’t drool. Don’t be creepy. Don’t be creepy. Listen to good music. Watch good movies. Play sports but don’t be a dick about losing. Say hi to people. Smile. Ask people “how are you” and mean it. Give charity to people that deserve it. Read the paper. Shower. Wear just enough cologne that if a girl is hugging you, or right next to your chest, she’ll be able to smell it. Not more. Don’t ask girls for their facebook. Call. Talk about issues. Recommend good places to drink and eat. Go to a place where you’re friends with the bartender. Go down on her. Talk to her when she’s upset. Introduce her to your friends. Hold hands. Let the future carry you away. I promise, the future is friendly.