Victor Padula Problem Solved: Global Poverty Pt. 3

The international blight that is global poverty has long been a huge pre-occupation for academics, politicians and semi-retarded pop stars alike. Some people have tried to address this issue because they really care about the world’s disenfranchised, others were just getting sick of seeing those World Vision commercials on TV. Whatever their motives, most of the major players have been able to agree on one simple goal: lifting the world’s poorest people out of poverty while— at the same time— ensuring that our western lifestyle remains far superior to those of God’s unluckiest children.

As the academics have run out of steam, alternative solutions to this problem have been coming from the most unlikely of sources. It turns out that the lateral thinking applied by experts from a number of surprising disciplines have proven infinitely useful to resolving this issue once and for all.

Russian Flesh Peddlers:

I know it sounds crazy, but these guys make the UN World Food Program and Doctors without boarders look like a bunch of clueless chumps. It turns out that the people behind the erotic-yet-disturbing socio-sexual phenomenon known as the Russian Mail Order Brides program have had the solution to the problem of global poverty burning a hole in their pockets for years. While other organizations have been wasting valuable time and money trying to feed and educate the crying huddled masses, these Ruskie goons have been taking them to the beauty parlor, buying them breast implants, and doing everything in their power to destroy the self worth of these young, vulnerable women. Clearly, these are the qualities that appeal to the hearts and minds of rich westerners. It’s so obvious that I’m mad I didn’t think of it myself.

Albeit inadvertently, the mail order bride program has probably lifted more Russian families out of poverty than any lilly-ass NGO ever could. If we can make the rest of the world’s poor this hot, I guarantee you that rich whitey will be slappin’ tits and makin’ it rain in no time flat.


Shoot, so that's that one suppsoes.

Now I feel sptuid. That's cleared it up for me

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