Hana Shafi Relationship Purgatory

Ever heard of a half break-up?

Probably not, because I just made up the term. But I’m talking about those times where there’s not quite a simple yes or no as to what’s going on. There are all these vague phrases like "taking breaks", "cooling off", and "getting space". All that stuff can certainly be effective and helpful when relationships between people become tense or “complicated” (I’m really starting to hate that word), but there’s a certain point that a person gets to where you simply want to know whether all of this is worth your time.

The lack of concrete yeses or nos means you still finding yourself being emotionally involved into something that might be dwindling. When you’re trapped in the relationship purgatory in-between, your mind frequently indulges in two polarized thoughts; one, that you should still be hopeful and hang onto this thing, and the second, that it’s hopeless and you ought to forget this stuff and go find yourself a new hot piece of ass. Neither modes of thinking are particularly rational, but then again, there’s unfortunately nothing rational about romance.

Here’s what you do: be patient. By patient, I don’t mean wait around for bullshit to clear up for months and months (then, you should probably consider letting go). By being patient, I mean don’t try and rush the process by creating an ultimatum and demanding a concrete answer immediately. By doing that, you pressure the other person to make a rash decision that they might regret later. Trust me, that shit backfires bad. Use your new found time in relationship purgatory to really think about what you want and allow for so and so to have that time as well.

That being said, do not over-think it. As cheesy as this sounds, it’s also important to do what your heart tells you, what really feels right. Obsessing over the pros and cons over an infinite period of time isn’t going to enlighten you with any new relationship revelations; it’ll probably just drive you to insanity. Once you’ve given something a good amount of thought, you have to make up your mind. Remember, no decision you make is ever going to be final. If you’re really not digging a relationship, then you always have the option getting the fuck out of there. 

Essentially what I’ve done here is spew out the same two-way, ambiguous shit that got you in relationship purgatory in the first place. Regardless, it’s the truth. Solid yes’s and no’s about where to take a relationship, what a “break” entails, and so on, are hard to come by. But don’t worry, relationship purgatory isn’t necessarily a romantic death sentence; it can certainly make things look terminal, but I find the best antidote is to simply chill the fuck out. Wise words, yes. Chill the fuck out, give it some time, and respect the boundaries of that space apart, and you’ll get your answer without completely losing your mind. Ah, the joys of love. 

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